As you may have noticed, if you have been here (which you should know if you are here) that the name of the blog has been changed from "Of Random and Randomness" to "Pasquinades"
If such things matter, it is merely because
A)- I didn't like the former name, it was too simple
B)- Subsequently, one can conclude that I like complication. Such is true. Sophistication in humor contributes much, in my opinion
C)- I like the word Pasquinade.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
At the End of all things....
Or at least the end of summer.
Thus will be the description of the last of my summer days. Well, for starters, where to start. I will probably post more on summer in general, but for now it will be on it's dying days and how I (tried) to make the most of them.
I was bogged down with work, typing transcripts for my grandfather. I wouldn't have been bogged down had it not been for my self imposed deadline. I hate me for doing that.
Then I realized I had limited summer days. Had I referred to a certain Filipino ninja, I would have better spent my time learning how to skydive. Instead I wasted my time, as usual. I did start KOTOR, for your information, Tim, Chris. Great game....
It seems time flew.
The only way I flew with time was changing timezones.
I don't know how it went so fast. I planned to get all sorts of IE written, cases done, etc. I get a feeling that's how it always goes, though I think KOTOR had something to do with it.
Then came September. September means hectic. Not only is it back to school, but me and my siblings birthday all occur then. I don't know why my mom did that to me. But anyway, I get to start worrying about Jonah's birthday, which comes first...
Presents, Etc, got under control, and we saw a movie was coming out. I had not been to a single movie since 2005 with Star wars and King Kong. And considering Hollywood's morale standards, its hard to find a good movie. Especially since I'm at the point where i don't like most G-PG movies coming out and most PG-13 - R movies are no good. However we saw an advertisement for a remake of an old western, including one of my favorite actors, Russell Crowe (so long as he's in an action movie...) So 2 days ago I went with my brother and dad to a Sneek preview/ premier of 3:10 to Yuma. It was good, though there was one scene I couldn't see. Very intense. It was about a rancher who is down on his luck, hitting a dry season, needing to pay off debt, etc., so he takes the job of escorting Gunslinging murderer Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) to the 3:10 train to Yuma. Wade trys to psych him out on the long trail to the city.
So today I started school. Fun.
Terrible....
Well hecktic...
I dunno. It was good. Math ( geometry) then science (Advanced biology) then american liturature, then spanish , latin and any other homework like debate, etc. thts pretty much schedule. Well, that's all I can think of for now......
Thus will be the description of the last of my summer days. Well, for starters, where to start. I will probably post more on summer in general, but for now it will be on it's dying days and how I (tried) to make the most of them.
I was bogged down with work, typing transcripts for my grandfather. I wouldn't have been bogged down had it not been for my self imposed deadline. I hate me for doing that.
Then I realized I had limited summer days. Had I referred to a certain Filipino ninja, I would have better spent my time learning how to skydive. Instead I wasted my time, as usual. I did start KOTOR, for your information, Tim, Chris. Great game....
It seems time flew.
The only way I flew with time was changing timezones.
I don't know how it went so fast. I planned to get all sorts of IE written, cases done, etc. I get a feeling that's how it always goes, though I think KOTOR had something to do with it.
Then came September. September means hectic. Not only is it back to school, but me and my siblings birthday all occur then. I don't know why my mom did that to me. But anyway, I get to start worrying about Jonah's birthday, which comes first...
Presents, Etc, got under control, and we saw a movie was coming out. I had not been to a single movie since 2005 with Star wars and King Kong. And considering Hollywood's morale standards, its hard to find a good movie. Especially since I'm at the point where i don't like most G-PG movies coming out and most PG-13 - R movies are no good. However we saw an advertisement for a remake of an old western, including one of my favorite actors, Russell Crowe (so long as he's in an action movie...) So 2 days ago I went with my brother and dad to a Sneek preview/ premier of 3:10 to Yuma. It was good, though there was one scene I couldn't see. Very intense. It was about a rancher who is down on his luck, hitting a dry season, needing to pay off debt, etc., so he takes the job of escorting Gunslinging murderer Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) to the 3:10 train to Yuma. Wade trys to psych him out on the long trail to the city.
So today I started school. Fun.
Terrible....
Well hecktic...
I dunno. It was good. Math ( geometry) then science (Advanced biology) then american liturature, then spanish , latin and any other homework like debate, etc. thts pretty much schedule. Well, that's all I can think of for now......
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Part 1: Of all The gin joints...
And bars in the world..They had to chose mine.
I mean,
Of all the OOs and Persuasives in the country, they had to chose mine. As you know I went to Nats. I didn't really stand a chance, but It was a whole lot of fun. But rather than hogging them all up, I better get to posting memories.
So.....Day One
Like I said- Of all IE's cross country, they had to chose mine. Though mine was a thematic. Anyway. That is depicted elsewhere, but it hadn't really sank in yet.
In fact, It hadn't sank in until I got to Texas...or even the campus...But I'm skipping ahead.
We went down to Oakland with our Grandparents the day before our flight. On the way down Jonah and I quizzed each other on history. I think I won, as he weaseled out after we came out of the restaurant and tried to go with our grandparents.
I think we had a bunch of memories at the Hotel, but I can't remember. I remember there were a bunch of partyers that kept me and my mom up until at least 2:30. They were loud. REALLY LOUD. We would'dve gone next door and told them to shut up, but it was Oakland, and my mom always worrys about somone brandshing a gun :" Hi, I was wondering If you guys could pipe it down a litt-*BLAM* AUGH!" She even wrries about someone grabbing a gun from the glove comaprtment if we make a face out the car window. (NOTE: We do NOT homeschoole because columbine, as is a large misconception. My mom is just strange sometimes) They screamed...Loudly..Very loudly. Extremely loudly....
Jonah was disturbed by it also, but sleep overtook him and soon enough my mom. They also 'whoo'ed and 'woo-hooed', but here elaboration ends. As that that carried on until two or three, The first day melted into the second. I think I slept, too. I still can't remember
I mean,
Of all the OOs and Persuasives in the country, they had to chose mine. As you know I went to Nats. I didn't really stand a chance, but It was a whole lot of fun. But rather than hogging them all up, I better get to posting memories.
So.....Day One
Like I said- Of all IE's cross country, they had to chose mine. Though mine was a thematic. Anyway. That is depicted elsewhere, but it hadn't really sank in yet.
In fact, It hadn't sank in until I got to Texas...or even the campus...But I'm skipping ahead.
We went down to Oakland with our Grandparents the day before our flight. On the way down Jonah and I quizzed each other on history. I think I won, as he weaseled out after we came out of the restaurant and tried to go with our grandparents.
I think we had a bunch of memories at the Hotel, but I can't remember. I remember there were a bunch of partyers that kept me and my mom up until at least 2:30. They were loud. REALLY LOUD. We would'dve gone next door and told them to shut up, but it was Oakland, and my mom always worrys about somone brandshing a gun :" Hi, I was wondering If you guys could pipe it down a litt-*BLAM* AUGH!" She even wrries about someone grabbing a gun from the glove comaprtment if we make a face out the car window. (NOTE: We do NOT homeschoole because columbine, as is a large misconception. My mom is just strange sometimes) They screamed...Loudly..Very loudly. Extremely loudly....
Jonah was disturbed by it also, but sleep overtook him and soon enough my mom. They also 'whoo'ed and 'woo-hooed', but here elaboration ends. As that that carried on until two or three, The first day melted into the second. I think I slept, too. I still can't remember
Friday, May 25, 2007
Washing machines: The Wet And The Wild
I always thought natural disasters were, well Natural things that originated outdoors.
Until last Wednesday.
Let me elaborate a little.
We have an old washing machine. 16 years old, to be precise. Same amount of years as my parents have been married. It goes to show how old they are :P......I mean...just one of my parents...he he... the one who DOESN'T check this blog.....
Anyway. It is a very old Kenmore set with a washer and a dryer. Unlike the modern new washer/dryer sets with all of those new features, ours has old features. For example. It comes with a noise indicator to let you know when it's done. Not only does it have a buzzer, but you can tell what stage it is in. A sound somewhat similar to the garbage disposal in the sink, only magnified, means it is draining water. A heavy thumping is the wash cycle, Etc. The best way to know it's done is when the Cantankerous symphony is finally over. You could probably hear these on normal washers, too, but with this one, not only you, but your neighbors can know when the laundry is done.
It also has the "make sure you check your laundry" feature, in which all of the wet laundry slaps up onto the sides of the spinning cylinder and causes it to thump the sides in an ever growing thump cycle, going thump..thump...thump...thump..thump...THUMP THUMP!!
And it continues until the neighbors come and tell you to stop the noise, because it has already apparently made you deaf.
So you open the lid, peel the plastered clothing off the sides and start it again. Occasionally, if the laundry load is heavy enough, it may just eject it out, stopping the machine.
So to the event. Catastrophe strikes! Well...sorta.
It all started when...naw....Once upon a late spring day.....No....Basically, It's summer now. We have been swimming several times now. We've done a lot of yard work to fix up for summer. Thrown an occasional water balloon at an unsuspecting sibling. SO after some tedious slave-labor in the yard, we were ready to go swimming. We were about to dive in to the cool, (actually freezing) waters of the pool when an ear piercing shriek came from the house. Madeline, my sister. As always. This could mean anything, however, as that if anyone so much as pats her, she screeches louder than a screech owl calling into a megaphone.
This time, however, it was something.
We ran inside to find a dripping sibling yelling "THE LAUNDRY ROOM IS FLOODED!" We arrived on the scene of the laundry room, an extremely small room in which, of course, our laundry machine is. Being filled with such devices, the door doesn't close well And it lies right across the bathroom, whose door is always open, unless of course, it is occupied. Arriving on the scene, It was immediately noticed that watter was spraying out from the rear or the laundry machine. "It's coming out of the wall!" both my sister and mother shout. It only takes a glance to notice that that it is coming from a hose into the washing machine rather than the opposite wall. It was only shooting out so fast that it was ricocheting off the wall and had removed a piece of wallpaper. It was so flooded by that point that the same swimming experience could've been obtained indoors, without the sunburns.
It was kinda like that scene in 'Master and Commander' where they are trying to clog the hole in the hull while it's flooding in. The previously sent troops were out and the others were sent to turn the water off. Water was flooding into the tile bathroom, making it slipperier by the minute. The reserve was sent int. I charged, shielding the hot water with a towel as I charged into the sauna. Well, it was like a sauna, but not at all relaxing. Steaming hot watter poured down, and finally a towel was put over it as (yours truly) saved the day. Well...My mom was the one who actually turned the house water off. But the worst was yet to come. Now we could bathe in the pond that had formed in the hall betwixt the bathroom and laundry room and had filled both. So came the drying. We would've used towels them washed them, but the hose was broken, so we couldn't. So every towel in the house was in the backyard, hanging on the fence to dry. The battle was over. The repairman would arrive the next day....
The Battle of the washing machine was over- The water balloon war was about to begin.
Until last Wednesday.
Let me elaborate a little.
We have an old washing machine. 16 years old, to be precise. Same amount of years as my parents have been married. It goes to show how old they are :P......I mean...just one of my parents...he he... the one who DOESN'T check this blog.....
Anyway. It is a very old Kenmore set with a washer and a dryer. Unlike the modern new washer/dryer sets with all of those new features, ours has old features. For example. It comes with a noise indicator to let you know when it's done. Not only does it have a buzzer, but you can tell what stage it is in. A sound somewhat similar to the garbage disposal in the sink, only magnified, means it is draining water. A heavy thumping is the wash cycle, Etc. The best way to know it's done is when the Cantankerous symphony is finally over. You could probably hear these on normal washers, too, but with this one, not only you, but your neighbors can know when the laundry is done.
It also has the "make sure you check your laundry" feature, in which all of the wet laundry slaps up onto the sides of the spinning cylinder and causes it to thump the sides in an ever growing thump cycle, going thump..thump...thump...thump..thump...THUMP THUMP!!
And it continues until the neighbors come and tell you to stop the noise, because it has already apparently made you deaf.
So you open the lid, peel the plastered clothing off the sides and start it again. Occasionally, if the laundry load is heavy enough, it may just eject it out, stopping the machine.
So to the event. Catastrophe strikes! Well...sorta.
It all started when...naw....Once upon a late spring day.....No....Basically, It's summer now. We have been swimming several times now. We've done a lot of yard work to fix up for summer. Thrown an occasional water balloon at an unsuspecting sibling. SO after some tedious slave-labor in the yard, we were ready to go swimming. We were about to dive in to the cool, (actually freezing) waters of the pool when an ear piercing shriek came from the house. Madeline, my sister. As always. This could mean anything, however, as that if anyone so much as pats her, she screeches louder than a screech owl calling into a megaphone.
This time, however, it was something.
We ran inside to find a dripping sibling yelling "THE LAUNDRY ROOM IS FLOODED!" We arrived on the scene of the laundry room, an extremely small room in which, of course, our laundry machine is. Being filled with such devices, the door doesn't close well And it lies right across the bathroom, whose door is always open, unless of course, it is occupied. Arriving on the scene, It was immediately noticed that watter was spraying out from the rear or the laundry machine. "It's coming out of the wall!" both my sister and mother shout. It only takes a glance to notice that that it is coming from a hose into the washing machine rather than the opposite wall. It was only shooting out so fast that it was ricocheting off the wall and had removed a piece of wallpaper. It was so flooded by that point that the same swimming experience could've been obtained indoors, without the sunburns.
It was kinda like that scene in 'Master and Commander' where they are trying to clog the hole in the hull while it's flooding in. The previously sent troops were out and the others were sent to turn the water off. Water was flooding into the tile bathroom, making it slipperier by the minute. The reserve was sent int. I charged, shielding the hot water with a towel as I charged into the sauna. Well, it was like a sauna, but not at all relaxing. Steaming hot watter poured down, and finally a towel was put over it as (yours truly) saved the day. Well...My mom was the one who actually turned the house water off. But the worst was yet to come. Now we could bathe in the pond that had formed in the hall betwixt the bathroom and laundry room and had filled both. So came the drying. We would've used towels them washed them, but the hose was broken, so we couldn't. So every towel in the house was in the backyard, hanging on the fence to dry. The battle was over. The repairman would arrive the next day....
The Battle of the washing machine was over- The water balloon war was about to begin.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Phew uh AAAAAAUAUUUggggggghhhhhhhhh! YIKES .ummm.......yeah. I know this is Kind of Random, but I'm feeling a little like Mrs. Weimeyer, and I needed to scream. The long and short of it is...I Qualified......
Yeah, it is about as random a joke my mom could make, as I didn't realize it until after a minute she told me. Sorry If I'm not coherent...I can't even think straight, let alone blog. basically she thought she'd play a joke at dinner and we started thinking of movie lines from the alamo (2004). I have no idea why. It's incredably unlike her. We named some lines, when she said "I liked some of those Davy crockett lines." What????? He has some of the worst! We listed some of his, when she prodded further, asking "What was that line, 'you can go to hell...'?" If you'd heard it, it'd be near impossible not to know. We had joked about it in relation to nats, since they are in Texas. I recited "you can all go to hell, I'm going to texas" which he had actually said in tennesee, not AT the Alamo. My mom said, "wait, wasn't it something else, say it again..." My dad prodded for my repeat of the line, also...Then just the first part. My mom added "and we are..you qualified." There was a moment of stunned silence. Jonah stopped eating.....Madiline stopped struggling with her Enchilada. They all looked at Mom. Except for Jonah, who then took another bite of guacamole. After much questioning, I found out that it was no joke, someone unfortunately couldn't come, and I was next in line. I was greatly dissapointed earlier, to not be able to see those of you who qualified at nats. It'd be great if all Touche could go, but then we'd need more slots. Though If I could chose I'd say many more did much better than me, I just happened to be in the right catagory. I had put NCFCA out of my mind, but it hadn't had enough of me. I am indeed, though last to qualify, going to Texas.
Yeah, it is about as random a joke my mom could make, as I didn't realize it until after a minute she told me. Sorry If I'm not coherent...I can't even think straight, let alone blog. basically she thought she'd play a joke at dinner and we started thinking of movie lines from the alamo (2004). I have no idea why. It's incredably unlike her. We named some lines, when she said "I liked some of those Davy crockett lines." What????? He has some of the worst! We listed some of his, when she prodded further, asking "What was that line, 'you can go to hell...'?" If you'd heard it, it'd be near impossible not to know. We had joked about it in relation to nats, since they are in Texas. I recited "you can all go to hell, I'm going to texas" which he had actually said in tennesee, not AT the Alamo. My mom said, "wait, wasn't it something else, say it again..." My dad prodded for my repeat of the line, also...Then just the first part. My mom added "and we are..you qualified." There was a moment of stunned silence. Jonah stopped eating.....Madiline stopped struggling with her Enchilada. They all looked at Mom. Except for Jonah, who then took another bite of guacamole. After much questioning, I found out that it was no joke, someone unfortunately couldn't come, and I was next in line. I was greatly dissapointed earlier, to not be able to see those of you who qualified at nats. It'd be great if all Touche could go, but then we'd need more slots. Though If I could chose I'd say many more did much better than me, I just happened to be in the right catagory. I had put NCFCA out of my mind, but it hadn't had enough of me. I am indeed, though last to qualify, going to Texas.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
How To Drive
No, How to Really drive
Maybe you're not 16 yet, but this isn't any DMV test. This is the fun side of driving. Ever think of how boring it is sitting in the car, waiting for something to happen? Why not make it happen? The only thing rule-abiding-defensive-cautious drivers get is safety. Who wants that? Why not go for the ambulance ride? I've never been in one before, it oughta be fun and educational, right? I mean, you see groups of kids touring those and firetrucks etc...
So to business.
Since driving safely is SOOO boring, here are some things that may excite your ride:
(Note- Author has made up all of these, thus will probably not be allowed to get his driver's license until he's 45)
Rules to Break
Well, this is pretty easy...There are so many regulations for the road, the question is which ones to break...A)Red light is a no brainer...But you just can't go right through- You'll get killed that way. What you have to do is go right as it turns red, so all the cars starting to cross the intersection will be cut off. You will get a lot of honks and unpleasant hand motions from this one, but ,boy, is it fun to see all those drivers boiling mad...
B)Speed limit is, well..too regular..everyone goes over the speed limit. If you want to be noticed, you'll have to go really fast, which will bring a quick end to your life before you can try any of these others. There are only two ways to speed- slowly speeding (kind of oxy-moronic) in which nothing will happen most likely. If you go really fast and manage to survive, a police officer will pull you over and ask "Do you realize how fast you were going?" Well...who wouldn't at that point. If you want your ticket to be a few hundred dollars bigger, say something like "Actually no, my speedometer broke" or "I'd like to order a double-double with fries and a shake"..(Personally, I think I'd never do that, but as long as we are pretending there are no consequences, why not?)
C) Schoolchildren crossing. Who ever wants to wait for all of those kids to saunter across. Chase 'em across like scared rabbits when they start to drag as they're talking with all of their buddies. Any pedestrian will work for that matter. and be sure to hit cyclers. More on this later.
Fun Projects
This is where it gets fun. Not that we already haven't been having fun, but we'll see some great add-ons here. This is appealing for men and women, as we have tools and welding and all of that heavy duty stuff as well as accessories, and if you have a little sister, you know how they love accessories...
First, A) The Homemade Automatic Flamethrower. Isn't the name in itself great?? Here is how it works: You get two bottles of oil, any kind. While I was thinking of this, I was noticing how perfectly olive oil bottles fit into the groves on the back of a Cadillac. But olive oil is way too expensive for this. And you will need a sports car of some sort that has the long, thin trunk, not a vertical back, though that may still work. You then lay the two bottles of oil (or any flammable liquid) on the back of the car so they point away from it. kind of like exhaust pipes except on top. You can cover them and decorate them to look like more that regular bottles if you want it to look like a flamethrower. You then tie to it a lighter with an elongated tube to navigate the flame. Cover it all up and fix a stopper partway in to keep it from all spilling. Now, when you drive, inertia will cause the flammable liquid to spill into the tube, ignite, and spill out onto the road. The faster you go, the more displacement the spill will spit out and you go faster and faster until the arc of spilling flames is almost shooting out onto the road.. thus you have a stream of flames tailing behind you that is regulated by your speed. No one will get up close on your rear now. Unless they want to be fried, that is. This also words great if you chose option B) in rule breaking, as the faster you go it will shoot out with a lesser arc. have fun!
B) I don't know what is better, but this is a bit simpler. What you do with it, is the question. Simply fix a tank turret to the top of your car. I don't know where you'll get one, probably if you ask the emperor you can get one. After some welding and sawing, you should get a great effect. It s probably best, unlike with our previous project, that you use a van. The possibilities are then endless. Don't you hate traffic? To quote from the movie 'Battle of the Bulge' "Tiger to Panther- Get onto ze bridge and blow zat junk right out of the vay" Oh what fun! And you don't have to worry about getting pulled over- they'll need more that a mere highway patrol to deal with you. It is also extremely effective with rule breaking C if you want to blow those pedestrians away.
C) If you've seen 'Ben-Hur' or 'Star Wars episode 1: The Phantom Menace' you should be familiar with this one. Remember what Messalah/Sebulba did to his chariot/Pod racer? Fix a few blades on your hub caps sticking out and presto! You can recreate movies. Pull up alongside a car and bring your blades to his wheels. Tires slashed off in a jiffy. This really causes chaos on the roads. But be sure to make the blades long enough and fix them in. If they're too short, you'll just scrape your door against theirs and if they aren't stable they'll fall out.
Games To Play
These are fun. That's why they are games. I've put some under sub category SABOTAGE!!!! because sabotage can be fun, too. Unlike hop scotch and crack the whip, however, these actually have a thrill to it and are fun. Who wants to play a game that isn't fun, after all?
A) 'Human bowling' is almost what is sounds. You see pedestrians crossing in one big huddled clump- Run 'em down!! See how many you can hit before they scatter. Nerds= 1 point each because they are easy. School kids are 2 since it's fun to see them soar; Regular people are three and joggers are four. You can adapt for others.
B) Slightly wimpier than the last is 'Scare the living daylights out of 'em' or whatever you want to call it. See someone crossing too slowly? Drive up at full speed and watch them scatter like scared chickens! Honking helps alot. Make sure to put on your break at the last second. I actually know someone who does this. Fun, if you don't hit anyone, because you can't get in much trouble for that. Even if you do hit one, you'll have the joy of watching one of the little squirts fly through the air.
C) Perhaps the riskiest game yet has several styles to play it in. "Against the flow' is the game you want to play if you are planning on suicide anyway. For the original version, pull on the freeway, crowded is best, but not too crowded- the traffic should be flowing quickly. At any point you want, turn around. See how ling you can go without getting hit. Dodge, swerve, do whatever it takes. It is especially fun when people swerve out of the way in fear. Quite the scene until a semi totals you and you go up in flames. ...Come to think of it, it's still a scene, then! For 'Hot wheels' style, fasten on the flamer. It makes for a neater effect and is more surprising to oncoming drivers. If you use your tank turret attachment, you can then blow that truck that's going to hit you out of the way. its fun to see how many cars you can hit before you get hit.
D) Who needs gas? This game is what it sounds. See how many miles you can get from your tank. It's best if you're borrowing or renting or test driving a car, so you can get back riiiight on time and you don't have to pay for gas.
SABOTAGE!!!!!
This will continue with more destructive forms of Games to Play. We have two, currently.
A) Car crashing. This is how to crash cars. It's pretty easy, you may think, but however, it is an art form. You don't just barrel into them! they might be nice people that assume it's an accident. I take a leaf from the book of nature. God has created so many thing that should give us great ideas. Take the shark. Sharks don't just attack. They bump their prey with it's nose first, then attacks. In the same way, we should not just crash- but bump them first. This should be conducted while waiting at a stop light, by the way. The bump will startle your prey, and wake him up for what's coming. He'll be very startled, and will look into his rear veiw mirror to see what happened- Right on time to see your evil grin, as you then barrel through him. The moment of realization. What fun.
B) This one is fun. Pedal pushing....brick dropping...I'm not sure what to call it. Your call. Here's what you'll need. The situation has to be just right, but with ipod popularity increasing, it should work. While cruising along the highway....or even city streets- carry a brick, or some heavy weight. Now try to find your victim. He should be wearing sunglasses and absorbed in the song he's listening to on his Ipod or mp3player...whatever it is. He should also be riding in a convertible with the hood down. Coast right up to him, pull up to his left. Have your buddy in the passenger seat take the weight. Keep at pace with him, and when the moment is right, drop the brick onto his gas pedal, hopefully entangling his foot with it. He'll wake right up as he goes soaring off at full speed. Try to see how many people you can do this with- it is a difficult skill to master, so don't worry if you don't succeed on your first try.
There you have it. These should definitely exiten your ride. Driving shoud be fun, not a hassle, after all- 'a car is not a toy'. But before you leave, don't be afraid to try new things on the road. The world of the road is now yours. do what you will. Drive reckessly, try to get shocked expressions from drivers as you cut them off- you'll add exitement to everyone's day. Don't be afraid to drive offensively, shout out the window, do everything you were told not to do in driving school. Have fun. Don't be afraid to comment on other drivers. For example, the other day I saw a driver whose bald head was soo sunburnt, it looked very much like a cherry tomato. Life can be fun- driving should be too.
And my mom can't wait to let me get my liscense
Maybe you're not 16 yet, but this isn't any DMV test. This is the fun side of driving. Ever think of how boring it is sitting in the car, waiting for something to happen? Why not make it happen? The only thing rule-abiding-defensive-cautious drivers get is safety. Who wants that? Why not go for the ambulance ride? I've never been in one before, it oughta be fun and educational, right? I mean, you see groups of kids touring those and firetrucks etc...
So to business.
Since driving safely is SOOO boring, here are some things that may excite your ride:
(Note- Author has made up all of these, thus will probably not be allowed to get his driver's license until he's 45)
Rules to Break
Well, this is pretty easy...There are so many regulations for the road, the question is which ones to break...A)Red light is a no brainer...But you just can't go right through- You'll get killed that way. What you have to do is go right as it turns red, so all the cars starting to cross the intersection will be cut off. You will get a lot of honks and unpleasant hand motions from this one, but ,boy, is it fun to see all those drivers boiling mad...
B)Speed limit is, well..too regular..everyone goes over the speed limit. If you want to be noticed, you'll have to go really fast, which will bring a quick end to your life before you can try any of these others. There are only two ways to speed- slowly speeding (kind of oxy-moronic) in which nothing will happen most likely. If you go really fast and manage to survive, a police officer will pull you over and ask "Do you realize how fast you were going?" Well...who wouldn't at that point. If you want your ticket to be a few hundred dollars bigger, say something like "Actually no, my speedometer broke" or "I'd like to order a double-double with fries and a shake"..(Personally, I think I'd never do that, but as long as we are pretending there are no consequences, why not?)
C) Schoolchildren crossing. Who ever wants to wait for all of those kids to saunter across. Chase 'em across like scared rabbits when they start to drag as they're talking with all of their buddies. Any pedestrian will work for that matter. and be sure to hit cyclers. More on this later.
Fun Projects
This is where it gets fun. Not that we already haven't been having fun, but we'll see some great add-ons here. This is appealing for men and women, as we have tools and welding and all of that heavy duty stuff as well as accessories, and if you have a little sister, you know how they love accessories...
First, A) The Homemade Automatic Flamethrower. Isn't the name in itself great?? Here is how it works: You get two bottles of oil, any kind. While I was thinking of this, I was noticing how perfectly olive oil bottles fit into the groves on the back of a Cadillac. But olive oil is way too expensive for this. And you will need a sports car of some sort that has the long, thin trunk, not a vertical back, though that may still work. You then lay the two bottles of oil (or any flammable liquid) on the back of the car so they point away from it. kind of like exhaust pipes except on top. You can cover them and decorate them to look like more that regular bottles if you want it to look like a flamethrower. You then tie to it a lighter with an elongated tube to navigate the flame. Cover it all up and fix a stopper partway in to keep it from all spilling. Now, when you drive, inertia will cause the flammable liquid to spill into the tube, ignite, and spill out onto the road. The faster you go, the more displacement the spill will spit out and you go faster and faster until the arc of spilling flames is almost shooting out onto the road.. thus you have a stream of flames tailing behind you that is regulated by your speed. No one will get up close on your rear now. Unless they want to be fried, that is. This also words great if you chose option B) in rule breaking, as the faster you go it will shoot out with a lesser arc. have fun!
B) I don't know what is better, but this is a bit simpler. What you do with it, is the question. Simply fix a tank turret to the top of your car. I don't know where you'll get one, probably if you ask the emperor you can get one. After some welding and sawing, you should get a great effect. It s probably best, unlike with our previous project, that you use a van. The possibilities are then endless. Don't you hate traffic? To quote from the movie 'Battle of the Bulge' "Tiger to Panther- Get onto ze bridge and blow zat junk right out of the vay" Oh what fun! And you don't have to worry about getting pulled over- they'll need more that a mere highway patrol to deal with you. It is also extremely effective with rule breaking C if you want to blow those pedestrians away.
C) If you've seen 'Ben-Hur' or 'Star Wars episode 1: The Phantom Menace' you should be familiar with this one. Remember what Messalah/Sebulba did to his chariot/Pod racer? Fix a few blades on your hub caps sticking out and presto! You can recreate movies. Pull up alongside a car and bring your blades to his wheels. Tires slashed off in a jiffy. This really causes chaos on the roads. But be sure to make the blades long enough and fix them in. If they're too short, you'll just scrape your door against theirs and if they aren't stable they'll fall out.
Games To Play
These are fun. That's why they are games. I've put some under sub category SABOTAGE!!!! because sabotage can be fun, too. Unlike hop scotch and crack the whip, however, these actually have a thrill to it and are fun. Who wants to play a game that isn't fun, after all?
A) 'Human bowling' is almost what is sounds. You see pedestrians crossing in one big huddled clump- Run 'em down!! See how many you can hit before they scatter. Nerds= 1 point each because they are easy. School kids are 2 since it's fun to see them soar; Regular people are three and joggers are four. You can adapt for others.
B) Slightly wimpier than the last is 'Scare the living daylights out of 'em' or whatever you want to call it. See someone crossing too slowly? Drive up at full speed and watch them scatter like scared chickens! Honking helps alot. Make sure to put on your break at the last second. I actually know someone who does this. Fun, if you don't hit anyone, because you can't get in much trouble for that. Even if you do hit one, you'll have the joy of watching one of the little squirts fly through the air.
C) Perhaps the riskiest game yet has several styles to play it in. "Against the flow' is the game you want to play if you are planning on suicide anyway. For the original version, pull on the freeway, crowded is best, but not too crowded- the traffic should be flowing quickly. At any point you want, turn around. See how ling you can go without getting hit. Dodge, swerve, do whatever it takes. It is especially fun when people swerve out of the way in fear. Quite the scene until a semi totals you and you go up in flames. ...Come to think of it, it's still a scene, then! For 'Hot wheels' style, fasten on the flamer. It makes for a neater effect and is more surprising to oncoming drivers. If you use your tank turret attachment, you can then blow that truck that's going to hit you out of the way. its fun to see how many cars you can hit before you get hit.
D) Who needs gas? This game is what it sounds. See how many miles you can get from your tank. It's best if you're borrowing or renting or test driving a car, so you can get back riiiight on time and you don't have to pay for gas.
SABOTAGE!!!!!
This will continue with more destructive forms of Games to Play. We have two, currently.
A) Car crashing. This is how to crash cars. It's pretty easy, you may think, but however, it is an art form. You don't just barrel into them! they might be nice people that assume it's an accident. I take a leaf from the book of nature. God has created so many thing that should give us great ideas. Take the shark. Sharks don't just attack. They bump their prey with it's nose first, then attacks. In the same way, we should not just crash- but bump them first. This should be conducted while waiting at a stop light, by the way. The bump will startle your prey, and wake him up for what's coming. He'll be very startled, and will look into his rear veiw mirror to see what happened- Right on time to see your evil grin, as you then barrel through him. The moment of realization. What fun.
B) This one is fun. Pedal pushing....brick dropping...I'm not sure what to call it. Your call. Here's what you'll need. The situation has to be just right, but with ipod popularity increasing, it should work. While cruising along the highway....or even city streets- carry a brick, or some heavy weight. Now try to find your victim. He should be wearing sunglasses and absorbed in the song he's listening to on his Ipod or mp3player...whatever it is. He should also be riding in a convertible with the hood down. Coast right up to him, pull up to his left. Have your buddy in the passenger seat take the weight. Keep at pace with him, and when the moment is right, drop the brick onto his gas pedal, hopefully entangling his foot with it. He'll wake right up as he goes soaring off at full speed. Try to see how many people you can do this with- it is a difficult skill to master, so don't worry if you don't succeed on your first try.
There you have it. These should definitely exiten your ride. Driving shoud be fun, not a hassle, after all- 'a car is not a toy'. But before you leave, don't be afraid to try new things on the road. The world of the road is now yours. do what you will. Drive reckessly, try to get shocked expressions from drivers as you cut them off- you'll add exitement to everyone's day. Don't be afraid to drive offensively, shout out the window, do everything you were told not to do in driving school. Have fun. Don't be afraid to comment on other drivers. For example, the other day I saw a driver whose bald head was soo sunburnt, it looked very much like a cherry tomato. Life can be fun- driving should be too.
And my mom can't wait to let me get my liscense
Sneek peeks!
This will be the first of a series of instructions on how to live life© which will entail all of the things I would do if there were no consequences. What fun. What a better place to start than driving?
We'll have a few catagories. Fun projects- These will be kind of like "father-son" projects with great ideas like the kind you'd find in a magazine like 'Martha Stewart Living'...exept...they're actually fun.
Games To Play will be an assortment of games that involve the risk you wouldn't normally think of...think of the excitement!
Get all of that exitement and more in Rules To Break- If you're going to break them, do it right.
SABOTAGE!!! is well...You can throw that in with Games to play...a little more destructive, I guess...
That's all I can think of for now......Stay tuned!
We'll have a few catagories. Fun projects- These will be kind of like "father-son" projects with great ideas like the kind you'd find in a magazine like 'Martha Stewart Living'...exept...they're actually fun.
Games To Play will be an assortment of games that involve the risk you wouldn't normally think of...think of the excitement!
Get all of that exitement and more in Rules To Break- If you're going to break them, do it right.
SABOTAGE!!! is well...You can throw that in with Games to play...a little more destructive, I guess...
That's all I can think of for now......Stay tuned!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Coming soon...
How to live life!
I'm going to write a series of posts about life and how to live it!! Not as you would think...stay tuned..
I'm going to write a series of posts about life and how to live it!! Not as you would think...stay tuned..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The 12 days of Biola
Even though there weren't twelve days, it seemed like there were. I got bored on the drive back from Biola (a speech & debate tournament) and copied Holly's (http://www.xanga.com/hol_lsterz) song idea, and since I can't sing, I decided to post it. It is inaccurate many ways (like you can't do more than one speech per category) but what the heck. So here- The twelve days of Biola.
On the first day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
An Original Oratory
On the second day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the third day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the fourth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the fifth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the sixth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the seventh day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the eighth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the Ninth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the tenth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the eleventh day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Eleven Duo interpretations,
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the twelfth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
The final round of
Eleven Duo interpretations,
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
There you have it. The most redundant post ever. I probably could've saved you all from banging your head on the monitor as you nodded off to sleep by just including the last verse, but why not? It just goes to show how much time I had to think of it on the long drive home.... Further posts on Biola willl arrive shortly.....
On the first day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
An Original Oratory
On the second day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the third day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the fourth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the fifth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the sixth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the seventh day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the eighth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the Ninth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the tenth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the eleventh day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
Eleven Duo interpretations,
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
On the twelfth day of Biola, I did for an I.E.;
The final round of
Eleven Duo interpretations,
Ten Open interpretations,
Nine Humorii,
Eight Extemporaneous,
Seven Dramatic,
Six Apologetics,
Five Impromptu,
Four Thematic,
Three Expository,
Two Persuasive and
An Original Oratory
There you have it. The most redundant post ever. I probably could've saved you all from banging your head on the monitor as you nodded off to sleep by just including the last verse, but why not? It just goes to show how much time I had to think of it on the long drive home.... Further posts on Biola willl arrive shortly.....
About me..
The Sequel
Hey, there's a sequel to everything, so why not? I wanted to write a different about me, since the one I wrote pertains more to my other blog. So here it is- The sequel
-For starters, I'm a lot more random than you can probably tell from what I've posted so far.
-In fact, I'm very random
-I like the word random
-By the way, we're schizophrenic (JK; We aren't really...) But since when is schizophrenia bad? We think Schizophrenia is a virtue...
-I like debate and I.E.
-Ummm....that's all for now..pretty pointless....
Hey, there's a sequel to everything, so why not? I wanted to write a different about me, since the one I wrote pertains more to my other blog. So here it is- The sequel
-For starters, I'm a lot more random than you can probably tell from what I've posted so far.
-In fact, I'm very random
-I like the word random
-By the way, we're schizophrenic (JK; We aren't really...) But since when is schizophrenia bad? We think Schizophrenia is a virtue...
-I like debate and I.E.
-Ummm....that's all for now..pretty pointless....
Welcome....
You've Got Mail!
Ok, this is my blog on random daily life. I'm not all politics and boring stuff ( for those who don't know, that is my other blog- www.thomaspaine-debater.blogspot.com) so here is everything elsse I could want to post on. Hope you like it!
Ok, this is my blog on random daily life. I'm not all politics and boring stuff ( for those who don't know, that is my other blog- www.thomaspaine-debater.blogspot.com) so here is everything elsse I could want to post on. Hope you like it!
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